Positive Sports Parenting

Many variables influence the success of high school athletic teams. One of the most significant factors are the parents. Aside from the obvious genetic traits passed along to the youngsters, the individual and collective mindsets of the moms and dads have a profound impact on whether their children's participation in athletics is a positive experience. This blog post will outline some of the characteristics of positive sports parenting.

Great parents encourage 

Being a teenager is tough. The difficult period between being a child and adult inflicts a heavy toll on emotional wellbeing. Kids’ identities are evolving, social relationships can be unstable, roles and expectations frequently create strain or even conflict. Sports should not become just another source of angst for those who participate. Make sure your son or daughter knows your love and approval is not contingent on their performance. Few people would admit to doing this on a conscious level, however in subtle ways the message gets sent and received that performance is equated with acceptance. Obviously people are more pleased with a win than a loss, but never let the outcome of a silly game overshadow the really important things in life. 

Sometimes the best thing a parent can do is to simply listen, but be patient because the athlete may not feel like talking right away. Another key is to let the child know how much you enjoyed watching them play, regardless of how they played. Encouraging words are important, but also make sure non-verbal expressions and body language align with the positivity of your words.

Great parents understand sports is just one part of the educational process

Schools provide sports programs for the one and only reason that participation in well-managed athletic programs can be a great educational experience. Football, choir, track and field, mock trial, basketball, drama, softball, band and every other extra curricular activity acts to support and compliment the traditional academic mission of the school. Athletes should be learning about themselves, others, and life in general from their participation in sports. If they are not, then they are wasting their time. Parents should do everything possible to emphasize the learning process rather than the short term focus on athletic accomplishments.

Great parents model sportsmanship

Adults can go a long ways toward creating a positive tone at athletic contests. Cheering positively, treating parents from the other school like guests, keeping the lips buttoned when game officials and coaches make decisions with which you disagree are all examples of exemplary sportsmanship. 

Keeping in mind that the gym or playing field is part of a school provides just the right motivation for agreeable game night behavior. After all, who would ever think of walking into an algebra class room to verbally chastise the teacher or booing the judge’s scores at a speech contest? These disgraceful actions are just as out of place in interscholastic sports.

Learning to deal constructively with disappointment is one of the signs of emotional maturity. We need to nurture this skill in youngsters and possibly ourselves.

Great parents leave the coaching to the coaches

One of the hardest things to do is to let go. Parents become accustomed and emotionally attached to being in charge of their children’s lives. However, as young people pass through adolescence there are many rites of passage which involve increasing independence from parents. Being on a sports team is one of those rites. No longer does the last word belong to mom or dad. The coach and not the parents is the person who will make the decisions which impact the group and individuals. The coach will provide the tactical and strategic guidance on how the game is to be played. Win or lose, it is the coach who after the game will have a captive audience with the athletes. Throughout all of this, the parent is on the sideline as a witness rather than participant. For a parent, this can be painful but it is part of the process of youth growing up into functioning adults.

Great parents value the team

This one is simple. Every member of the team is the son or daughter of somebody. Chances are quite high that this “somebody” is within earshot of you. As a result it is crucial that parents cheer for everyone and criticize nobody. In fact, in a perfect world your loudest cheering should be for other people’s kids!

Imagine how great it would be if there was a section of bleachers where the parents all sit together without cliques (remember, you’re not in high school anymore) and cheered loudly for everyone. This sense of unbreakable community would go a long ways towards building unforgettably positive memories for players and parents alike.

Great parents allow their children to experience disappointment

It is human nature for parents to want to shield our children from negative experiences. However, the paradox of this instinct is that by doing so, parents are preventing the child from fully maturing. Emotional levelheadedness is one of the great lessons learned from experiencing life in its fullest. This means owning up to one’s failures, real and imagined, every bit as much as exalting in triumphs. 

The difference between making or missing a game winning free throw or base hit or touchdown catch can sometimes be measured in fractions of an inch. This reality can be really hard to swallow for the person who doesn’t make the play when it counts. Likewise, a game or career ending injury can happen at any moment. Then there are the coaches who make what seem to be  arbitrary decisions on playing time which derail athletic dreams. These are just a few of the many discouraging realities inherent to sports. Modeling and then encouraging a productive response to these setbacks will go a long way towards developing resilience and peace of mind.

Great parents keep sports in perspective

No matter how much one loves a particular sport, the truth is that it is a pastime and a means to a greater end. As a famous sportscaster once observed “sports is the candy store of life.”

Unfortunately too many people—students and adults alike—place far too much importance on sports. A very wise colleague often reminded our teams that when we step inside the lines of the court, the game is everything. But once the game is over and we step back outside the lines, it is nothing. Really, truly…it means nothing.

Parent need to frequently remind athletes that faith, family, friends, academics, good health, and other school activities are important to a well-rounded existence. A young person’s sense of self should not be tied up in their sport. Simply put, sports are a superficial and temporary chapter of one's life.

Great parents value their child’s health and fitness

This is one of the biggest reasons in favor of multi-sport participation. It’s real simple, the young lady who for example plays volleyball, basketball, and runs track will gain skills and levels of fitness far and away superior to the student who is involved in just one sport throughout the entire year.

Likewise, one of the main purposes of athletics is to encourage youngsters to make healthy lifestyle choices. Valuing lifelong wellness, rather than championships and school records is one of the things great parents can do for their children.